Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Men | On feelings..

Whilst doing some research for a friend a little while back, I came across some information that I found to be an invaluable read.. The subject is of something that each and every female should read about!

We go about our everyday existence with the belief that men are superhuman "supermen".. emotionless beings who think about two things; sex and money..

This is not the case though.. Men are highly sensitive beings also, they care, they hurt, they cry, like us girls do, and surely enough, they do those things for the same reasons that we do.. They feel, they simply lack the ability to show what they feel.. its that male conditioning that is wired into their brains as a small child, it prevents them from saying what it is that they truly feel..

Rejection is probably the biggest factor when it comes to men,, that and being judged.. I've found from talking to some of my male friends, that rejection is on the top of their biggest fears list when it comes to women.. The funny thing about this though, is that, women have the same fears.. fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of being judged..

When will we learn that we are all one and the same? Girls merely went through a different training process, so we have the ability to show what we feel, simple as that :)

Below is the article that I would like to share.. I do hope that you find it as interesting as I did..

Remember girls; dont be hard on your man, they really do try to be as emotional as they possibly can.. If you love him, accept him for who he is, what he is, and give him time and space to express himself :) and love, lots of love.. Men need as much love and affection as we do, bless them :)

Are Guys Open About their Feelings with their Girlfriend?

Nope, that’s like asking for a miracle

Guys, god bless us, are creatures who have to hide their feelings all the time owing to the manliness factor. It’s manly not to talk too much about how you are feeling especially early on in the relationship. This is kind of programmed inside most of the guys. When the relationship between a girl and a guy matures to an extent that he starts trusting her with his intimate feelings the girl can be sure that she has reached a point when her guy is finally committed.

Why guys don’t express their feelings?

When I talk about feelings I mean the regular emotions such as sadness, depression, fear, guild, enthusiasm, excitement, joy etc. So why are guys cagey about revealing their feelings? The roots can be found in their childhood. Most of the guys grow up knowing that they would get teased by their other guy friends if they revealed their true feeling especially the negative ones. They would be called wimps and girly, you know how it is. It’s tough to a be kid who gets teased around for being a wimp, so the guy decides to get tough with himself and works at hiding his feelings. I am sure you would have seen a lot of boys who don’t talk about their feelings of hurt or anxiety with their mom or dad. In fact they just keep it to themselves. In a way this quality of men ensures that they don’t grow up to be cry babies who whimper at the slightest hint of challenge, life as you know can be really challenging.

Do men control their feelings even in a committed relationship?

Does a guy still feel the need to hide his feelings? Well this depends on the guy but most of them like handling their negative side on their own. Guilt, worry, depression are emotions guys usually don’t feel comfortable discussing because they are poor at expressing themselves clearly; several times just to ensure that they don’t alarm their girl or come across as weird. Yeah this is a major fear guys have, that they might come across as a weirdo. Have you seen movies where a guy reveals his fantasy or a particular eccentricity and the girl goes like “God, Am I stuck with a weirdo here”. Well guys who hate for a girl to think that way about them. It’s just all in the mind; they feel insecure about not coming across as tough cookies.

What should you do as a girl to ensure that the guy feels comfortable about talking out his feelings?

Well for one make sure that his is comfortable talking to you without having to pretend about anything. This can happen only when he really knows you well enough as someone who understands him. That could take a while, but usually genuine love on the part of the girl ensures that he starts trusting her. A guy can smell pretence in a relationship just as well as the girl, guys are just as intuitive about these things though it usually works on a subconscious level for guys and it is more direct in girls. So a guy subconsciously would not reveal his feelings to girl he can’t trust completely in his heart. If you love comes across as being genuine and he finds you to be really caring about his feelings, then he would not think twice about revealing his feelings.

What shouldn't you do to cause a guy to stop revealing his feeling?

Make sure you don’t ever panic on him no matter what he says. Always know this, guys are not good at expressing their feelings because they are not used to it. Get the point? They are not used to telling others about themselves or what they feel inside due to childhood conditioning. So if they are trying to open up and find that their efforts at expressing their feeling are just resulting in you getting panicky or upset, well that kind of ends it for the guy. He will ensure he doesn’t repeat his mistake. Don’t panic or get upset and try not to think that he is being weird. Guys sound weird when they talk about their feelings because of the way they express it usually in a very indirect loopy fashion.

Guys fall in love with a girl who cares for him genuinely

Guys are quite good at judging that subconsciously. When a guy knows that his girl loves him he would not mind talking about his feelings to her. The parameter being that the girl genuinely cares for him, else it isn’t going to happen. Pretence of love would never work out; guys see through it just as well as the girls.
[Source: What do men REALLY]

More to come on this subject..
=- )

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