Thursday, 9 September 2010

-:¦:-Aussie humour continued -:¦:-

a small collection of aussie laughs.. 




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Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown New York apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.                                         

 


"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friend's asked.


 


"Issss nod a gong.   Issss a talking Australian clock" he drunkenly replied.
 


"A talking Australian clock - seriously?"                                             

 


"Yup.  Hmmm (hic)."


 


"How's it work?", the second friend asked, squinting at it.


 


"Just watch" he said.  
 

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back.


His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

 
Suddenly, a Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed,  

"For f*#k's sake, you stupid
**** .  It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!"




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You know you're Australian if....



You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk



You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin



You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds



You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'



You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional



You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'



You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep



You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'



You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place



You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin



You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'



You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis



You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'



You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'



You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them



Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language



You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alway polite



You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose



You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'



You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle



You biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket



You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'



You still think of Kylie Minogue as 'that girl off Neighbours'



You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered



When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer



You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second



You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.


You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!






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this is worthy of a good chuckle..








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funny comercial, 'tis a throw off! 

 








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hehe, funny funny..








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